Salutations my dear readers,
It's been a good while since my last confession, er, blog post...
I guess I have been keeping busy, things have been bustling on the friend scene (surprise!), including but not limited to weekend getaways with new friends, multiple visits from old ones, and outdoor excursions, all nestled in dates and going out in general it's just been a regular ol' life.
SO.
What of it.
I stopped seeing my shrink cause I realized (succumbed to the fact that) those kinds of things are for the bourgeoisie and not for poor folks like me who have things like sanity and student loans. It's fine, at this point in my life it's not like I don't *know* what are the things I need to do and how I need to get them. I am not saying that I can't use some help, I think we all can, but at present I am definitely not in a position that places me in a situation in which that recourse is economically viable.
That's cool.
I think I need to find my own bootstraps so that I can pull them up. Which, is easier said than done, but now that I have been living in Portland for a year (almost) I feel like I am in a better position to figure those other bits out. It's so friggen difficult when you have this enormous goal you are working towards and then you get there and you are left looking around flummoxed, trying to pin down what comes next. It's a process. All the time.
What do "adult goals" look like?
Is it money? Is it other types of career related markers? Is it family? What elements are within my control and which ones are not? Am I at peace with those parameters, whatever they may be?
I think what I have to focus on now is how I am going to leave my mark on the world. Is that mark is going to be my next goal or I am content to "work a job" and then come home and have other interests I am cultivating. A mark can/will be made either way, I guess what I am reckoning with right now is how much energy I have to devote and how I want to direct my efforts. Sure, I am poised to "make a difference" where I am right now, but how is my work now laying the groundwork for my future self.
It's really meaty heady stuff to consider. One of the nice things about getting older is that you realize that there is a certain pace to life and thought process, and you begin to become patient (not complacent) with the unfurling of the future. In some ways we have a lot of time, and in others any moment can be our last. Finding the balance in living a fulfilling life is, in my estimation, acknowledging the extent of your volition and the reality of your breadth.
Whatever that may be.
For now, if I listen to the pleas of my past self I need to get on the ball with the volunteering thing. Truly, I am ingesting the landscape of life right now. It's nice, I am all like, settling in and stuff. Coming into my own and whatnot.
Properly transitioning into my 30's!!!
Huzzah.
Anyway.
I am still single, surprise surprise! OI...
Nothing to be done. I am at the more peaceful side of wits end. I know I can't actually do anything about it. I killed my facebook a few months ago (it's going great!) and kept the Tinder and OKC to sort of mitigate my pangs of desolation. But really, I am crazy! I will block a bloke because they don't reply in a day and I will write someone off because they have bad breath (who wants to swap spit with stinky?!).
I am so far gone on this tirade of love that I have lost all semblance of what "organic" or "holistic" could connote in this circumstance. I am really thinking I need to just cut off the online thing all together, consider the rest of my life and just throw a big ol' fuckitall in the face of my demons.
Getting there, don't you fret, Self.
AND
That is an update my dears!!! I hope it satiates your palate in terms if Ivel.
Oh, I was in a magazine!
Here it is: http://www.portlandmonthlymag.com/news-and-profiles/science-and-technology/articles/the-mad-science-behind-omsis-greatest-exhibits-october-2014
That was rad.
Otherwise, as in all in life and for the nether my dears, expect great things...
