I want to relish them as a break in which the mind can helplessly obsess to no avail until such time as the answers make themselves known. We are always too eager to know, the truth, the facts, the answers; to what end? Compartmentalize them in our minds, we use them as chisels to carve out plans that extend further than our reach.
I want to thrive in the silence, instead of writhing in the space between the answers.
Easier said than done.
"I'm the same as I was when I was 6 years old
And oh my God I feel so damn old
I don't really feel anything
On a plane, I can see the tiny lights below
And oh my god, they look so alone
Do they really feel anything?
Oh my god, I've gotta gotta gotta gotta move on
Where do you move when what you're moving from
Is yourself?
The universe works on a math equation
That never even ever really even is any end
Infinity spirals out creation
We're on the tip of it's tongue, and it is saying
We ain't sure where you stand
You ain't machines and you ain't land
And the plants and the animals, they are linked
And the plants and the animals eat each other"
-Modest Mouse, Building Something out of Nothing
It's a mix of feelings, when you are waiting on an answer that would determine the course of your life. You feel like you can't imagine what life will be like past a certain point until you have a direction to safely point your thoughts of the future. In some ways I have also put off making plans, which has been derailing for my psyche.
Some people don't like to make plans, they're more like those live in the moment kind of people.
I am not that kind of person.
I like to have goals, they keep me centered because I feel I am better equipped to move steady on a course. Without goals I am adrift in a world of uncertainty. Which breeds in me a slight passivity, and that drives me nuts. If I am not in constant motion I might as well be dead.
It's kinda interesting in terms of my personality, because I am be no means inflexible, I quite enjoy going with the flow and would even go as far as to say that I have a penchant for spontaneity. But I know I work best when I have an overarching goal, and then room to establish parameters and wiggle room, and it works in spurts. I guess that is what people mean when they say five year plan, though in retrospect mine have worked out in more like four year time spans.
I think spinach is groovy.
There are other things I have been thinking about, such as: why when the first Latino is appointed President of the State Bar of California it makes headlines.
The laughable notion that we live in a post-racial society.
I love documentaries.
The last good one I saw was called Brief Encounters, and it was about the photography of Gregory Crewdsome. He is such an elaborate and persnickety artist, but to such amazing effects. I highly recommend it because it sheds light into the reasons why some artists are the way that they are, and that, at least to me, yields a greater understanding of their work.
Alright kittens, as always, thanks for tuning in, and until next time, expect great things...
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