The Air Gets Much Thinner Further Up..

Salutations dear readers!

Today will be somewhat of an ambitious post as I try to tackle one my most ancient internal preponderances, as well as catching you up on wonderful news.

Good news first.

You may remember from my last post that it seemed as if I was on the cusp of some great life change...
Well, it worked out favorably! I am now on my way to the Pacific North West to basically do the job of my dreams. Really, it's kind of crazily my most ideal scenario. In some regards I am waiting for someone to pinch me or the other shoe to drop or whatever euphemism people use for something to go wrong after too much right, but mostly I am really stoked.
Just the idea that I worked really hard for something and then actually made it happen is kind of mind boggling...What Universe?! Thank You! I feel utterly compelled to pay it forward tenfold. I am not really a hokey person but I can't help but feel blessed.This is going to be the first time in my adult life that my energy is going to be fully focused on one thing, and it's something I am über passionate about.

I am kind of secretly curious to experience the power of my sheer force. I have never done something like this, sole devotion. I mean I still have many passions and arenas of interest that lie outside the realms of my career (I'll expound on those in a minute), but  I am so committed to delving deeply and wholeheartedly into this job. I have a feeling the results are going to be big. By the same token I am also totally nervous about the transition from a career which has relied mostly on my body to one that relies mostly on my mind. I have faith in my abilities but at the same time I am wary of the time it might take me to make the move internally. This summer was a good tester of office living, though I imagine I will have a more loving environment at my new place. The change of pace will be something to get used to, as will be using my brain for so many hours straight. At my current job I do use my brain quite a bit, but mostly it's at the beginning of the day and in the middle and the rest can be be accomplished on auto-pilot. Maybe I will ultimately get to that point with my new job, but somehow I doubt it, thus some of it's allure! I am excited about conspiring, collaborating, and promoting my agenda of inclusivity in museums. 

So, speaking of things that are getting me hot right now, have you heard Pink Steam by Sonic Youth lately? Seriously one of the top sexiest songs in my book, ever. The build up, it's just enough to drive any girl mad... Or maybe just a girl with my kind of tendencies... I suppose. Sonic Youth is just so tops... Man.

My Other Interests:
*painting (watercolor mostly, but maybe acrylic too..)
*etching
* screen printmaking
*bookbinding/altering
*woodblock print making
*data vizualisation
*learning an instument
*gardening
*volunteering
*regular intellectual discourse

It's so rad, the idea of self actualization in regards to a career, like ok, I have found this thing, a "calling" and I can now devote 40 hours of my week to something I really love and get paid for it. And then there is all this other time! I can use how ever I want! So many things for one life time... I will need to travel more in my forties...

More on what I meant by my "plaguing preponderance", I am often caught up thinking about the difference between brilliance and mediocrity. I have an idea that really it is you who puts those barriers up, and no one else is in charge or in control of how you see yourself or how the world reacts to you. I don't believe there is a real difference between the kind of people who achieve great things and those who don't other than a different set of fears sometimes combined with circumstance. What propels us as humans? What drives us to reach for great heights? I guess most importantly, what makes some of us more likely than other to achieve those heights?
What is the most that I could accomplish? What if I didn't set those limits but rather set my bar up as high as I could imagine? Continually flirting with the boundaries of the atmosphere, pushing myself and the envelope as I lick it and send it away.
Visualize your future, the only obstacles are of your own devising...

Some food for thought for your brain to chew on...


I don't know...

I know I want brilliance, but at the same time I feel like every day is just that...

Till next time, expect great things...

I've got it all [most], I've got it all almost all figured out...

Salutations from the liminal stages.

I want to relish them as a break in which the mind can helplessly obsess to no avail until such time as the answers make themselves known. We are always too eager to know, the truth, the facts, the answers; to what end? Compartmentalize them in our minds, we use them as chisels to carve out plans that extend  further than our reach.
I want to thrive in the silence, instead of writhing in the space between the answers.

Easier said than done.

"I'm the same as I was when I was 6 years old
And oh my God I feel so damn old
I don't really feel anything
On a plane, I can see the tiny lights below
And oh my god, they look so alone
Do they really feel anything?
Oh my god, I've gotta gotta gotta gotta move on
Where do you move when what you're moving from
Is yourself?
The universe works on a math equation
That never even ever really even is any end
Infinity spirals out creation
We're on the tip of it's tongue, and it is saying
We ain't sure where you stand
You ain't machines and you ain't land
And the plants and the animals, they are linked
And the plants and the animals eat each other"
-Modest Mouse, Building Something out of Nothing

It's a mix of feelings, when you are waiting on an answer that would determine the course of your life. You feel like you can't imagine what life will be like past a certain point until you have a direction to safely point your thoughts of the future. In some ways I have also put off making plans, which has been derailing for my psyche.
Some people don't like to make plans, they're more like those live in the moment kind of people.
I am not that kind of person.
I like to have goals, they keep me centered because I feel I am better equipped to move steady on a course. Without goals I am adrift in a world of uncertainty. Which breeds in me a slight passivity, and that drives me nuts. If I am not in constant motion I might as well be dead.
It's kinda interesting in terms of my personality, because I am be no means inflexible, I quite enjoy going with the flow and would even go as far as to say that I have a penchant for spontaneity. But I know I work best when I have an overarching goal, and then room to establish parameters and wiggle room, and it works in spurts. I guess that is what people mean when they say five year plan, though in retrospect mine have worked out in more like four year time spans.

I think spinach is groovy.

There are other things I have been thinking about, such as: why when the first Latino is appointed President of the State Bar of California it makes headlines.
The laughable notion that we live in a post-racial society.

I love documentaries.

The last good one I saw was called Brief Encounters, and it was about the photography of Gregory Crewdsome. He is such an elaborate and persnickety artist, but to such amazing effects. I highly recommend it because it sheds light into the reasons why some artists are the way that they are, and that, at least to me, yields a greater understanding of their work.

Alright kittens, as always, thanks for tuning in, and until next time, expect great things...