Stir fry for breakfast Saturday.
Settling in Portland is going pretty well. The fog is lifting somewhat and I am trying to balance the (what still feels like) insanity of the mental demands of work with trying to think about establishing a routine. I think I am coming to a point in my relocation in which that super crazy feeling that I have uprooted my life and put myself hundreds of miles away from most of my loved ones (again) is starting to subside and I am beginning to look around to see what is actually here. I was on a date last night with a very witty smart chap who dared ask, "but, what do you do when you are not at your awesome job?".
Very insightful question stranger!
Similar to my life in the Bay Area, I have been spending a lot of time going on dates and otherwise exploring the (nightlife) of the surroundings. Portland is teeming with restaurants and bars, and now that things have loosened up a little in the finances department, I am more able to really get out there. I don't necessarily always happen to go to these places on dates, and I have met some people IRL that have been really interesting. Most notably: Doll Williamson, an older lady I met at a bar and bought a tequila (chilled with salt on the rim) for, and this fellow who works for Pandora, who can name 700 different characteristics of music and now believes the art form is dead. When I found myself in his apartment at midnight unexpectedly I was like, "you should call a cab for me now, sir". Life continues to be an adventure.
I have been biking a bit (to dates admittedly, but biking none the less) and met this super cute punk rocker fellow from Chicago who has no apparent goals but is really great at pinball.
I guess the question posited last night is an obvious one, and one I have been grappling with more seriously in the last week since the dust is settling. Life is such a huge endeavor man, especially for ambitious people.
I can't like, just sit on my couch when I get off work and watch TV until I fall asleep every night and wake up and do it all over again 24/7. I need some more sustenance, extracurricular fodder to promote a greater awareness and justifies existence, and I need this even though my career is really fulfilling, which in some ways I had (naively) not anticipated..
In some ways it's awesome cause it's like, Oh! I am still in a state of growth, and in other ways it's like Shit! I just want to chill out.
Ha.
It's a combo, and I am glad I am feeling that nagging internally because I really want my day to day life to more closely resemble that internal vision I have for myself. Even though some of those things (like having a partner, more on that in a minute) are out of my control. I just need to be more focused and determined in figuring out what the steps/questions are so that I can start moving in that direction.
Some thoughts:
- Volunteering one day a week at the local humane society.
- Taking an art class (maybe etching or some other kind of art)
- Serious consideration to what exercise I want to do, I don't really feel like getting into any organized sport (unless there is a kickball team at work or something), but I feel a pressing need to incorporate some kind physical activity into my daily routine.
- Time management. I really need to sit down and map out hours of life, I love spontenatity, and I want it to be a part of my life, but I also want to live life intentionally.
- On the up side, I really like blogging. Readers or not. :D
As maybe you, discerning reader, could tell from the post thus far, Big Red and I are no longer seeing each other. I know it was just three weeks and I was wary of it not working out the whole time, but I couldn't help be slightly bummed it did not to come to some more palpable fruition. It had been a long time since I felt that awesome combo of physical attraction and mental/emotional connection. He had been so trying to find his way and I had been so willing/wanting to be there for/with him while he found it. But there are some journeys you must take alone, and figuring ones place in the world after (during!) a divorce with two children is such a place.
I am really glad that I saw myself actually going through all of that tremendous hard work for the sake of someone else, someone I hardly knew. In some ways, I feel relieved, and in others I feel as if I really would have liked to have been able to apply my vibrancy in earnest to his life. I honestly feel like that experience has made me feel like I am capable and willing to deal and thrive with someone who has a lot of baggage if they are willing to reciprocate.
My love, so sweet, big, and encompassing. Just roaming the earth for now. We'll see where it ends up baking a home.
I think that is all I have for right now my kittens!
I have some work to do.... I'll let you know how it goes.
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