Fallor ergo sum - St Augustine
We are in the new age, the present tense, we live in the future at every moment, yet constantly salivate for that which we do not have. This is the human condition, and thank goodness because were it not for desire what would propel us forward through the muck of existence?
I think this post will cater to my philosophical ambling, which I don't actually tread as often as I would like. This evening I'll wax poetic about Aristophanes's eulogy in Plato's Symposium and about Nietzsche's concept of the Ubermench.
Ya, you know, the easy breezy stuff of life...
Anyway, for those of you who need a refresher (and I can't believe why you would!), Aristophanes gave this fine little speech at a dinner party one time. All these old white dudes were sitting around drinking wine, day dreaming about having sex with strapping young lads and pontificating about a variety of subjects but most prominently love and all it's trappings. It's one of Plato's better known works and it includes an all star cast with folks such as Socrates and Alcibiades taking turns at the bat. It's really a friggen amazing manuscript delving into one of the mechanisms that is so inherent within us human beings.
The speech that I keep coming back to time and time again is Aristophanes' ode to the concept of "wholeness". I think about this one a lot for a couple of reasons; one, because I really appreciate the fact that his account of love allows for folks of any gender combo to connect. Secondly, I am fascinated by the concept of a mythology in which humans are these androgynous creatures with twice the limbs who grew so pompous that Zeus smote them by breaking them in half and spreading them across the earth. Forever feeling incomplete and searching.
I suppose I am intrigued by this because it suggests that we are all, in the quest for finding a partner, making our way back to our original selves. If our most primal selves are whole, then the selves of modernity are broken, shards of flesh imbued with yearning. If you think about the state of being broken as a metaphor for feeling a need and a thirst for recuperating that fullness, then there is nothing more natural than constant desire.
I am attracted to this notion because in some ways it makes me feel less guilty for wanting to find a partner, after all in doing so I am just gravitating towards my natural state. Not that I feel an overwhelming guilt for wanting someone to shack up with forever, just little pangs of guilt here and there. I think there is this culture of being independent in our society, and with that comes a negative connotation with being single in some regards. Furthermore, the older you get the more it seems like you are being reckless or loveless, compounding the sense of urgency. I try to not let that mindset get to me as best I can.
The way I feel about it personally is that it's fine being single, there are things I really appreciate about it, and there are things I don't like (same as having a mate really). Truly, it's not my preferred state, but I don't feel sorry for myself, I just accept this as a stage in life like any other. It is an opportunity in a lot of ways to *try* and learn more about myself, I do get lonesome though. There is so much that is unknowable in this world, and ideally we are always growing and changing, single or not. I am not a fan of thinking that things happen for a reason, but more things happen and then we reason with them.
Also, I am slightly enthralled by the notion of eternal longing. Why? Because sometimes I think desire is better than satisfaction, contentedness, or fulfillment. And because I appreciate the fact that you can bank on loneliness as a constant, there aren't many things on this Earth you can count on...
Anyway... Moving on to the Overman.
It's a little late in the evening, and I don't want to make this post uber long by getting into the sordid Nietzschean details, but! Long story short one of the reasons I really dig the philosophy of Thus Spoke Zarathustra is because the onus is placed on the individual to come up either a reason to keep living, or why bother. I am a big fan of ownership of the self in life because as far as we know or have experienced, we only get one shot so we better make it count.
A lot of folks see this philosophy as kind of depressing, I reckon because you can't offset your despair by putting all hope in some imaginary being. That is a lot to chew on... Maybe ask me some questions and we can do a more participatory experience if thou art so inclined. Otherwise I will continue to ruminate.
In other news...
I am still seeing the married daddy. Sometimes your own utterances seem strange, even to yourself. But passion will do its thing without much consideration towards logic. I met his baby (and his brother, AND his father), all went well except for the baby completely going into mute mode when he was around me. I didn't take it too personal, but recognized the situation as a little less than ideal, I made the best of it and enjoyed the Oregon Zoo Lights and Big Red's company.
Things are coming to a point in which we are becoming real human beings, expressing our lives, hang-ups, baggage, and needs to each other (shit is getting REAL) which is actually quite nice. There is always that [sweet] awkwardness when you first start seeing someone, getting past that and actually being able to see them within the context of their lives is a great thing. I have been making excellent progress on the communicating my feelings front, so that's real. I am still quite smitten, and enjoying every minute of it.
Updates as they develop.
Work is...
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Every day that passes I feel like I am closer to understanding. The hardest thing right now is time management; today I estimated something should take an hour and it took three. (!) I am confident I will get the hang of it... I love my work, and I believe in it, and it just makes me happy as anything even though it's so hard.
I had my first "informational interview" today. I don't know if you know what that means, but basically it's like someone buys you a coffee and picks your brains about your life choices because they think there is some value to your blathering.
Well let me tell you my friends it was a sweet cup of coffee!
It felt super sweet to be like, yea! I know this shit is great! LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT IT. Even though my time is so short I have to be here an extra hour just to be able to talk to you. I will take that coffee and I will give you the BEST advice I can.
:D
Yea. Things are good.
Until next time my silent kittens, expect great things...
We love you! and miss you and we are so happy to hear things are going well. <3
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